So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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