I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
