Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
