No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
