yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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