I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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