what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
