If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And then he peed in my hair
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
