operation harelip BJ is a go
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
