moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
