when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
