Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
