Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
