I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
