When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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