so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
