??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
