I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
