Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
