She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
