Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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