if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Blow job season was short but glorious.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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