if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
