why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize