I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
