You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
