No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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