I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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