I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
