Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
