I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
