I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
