The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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