Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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