Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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