apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
