Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
