he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
