we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
