next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
