I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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