I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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