a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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