I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
