Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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