kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
