Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
