Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
