When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
