I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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