Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
