I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
