even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
