Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
