I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
