so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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