i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
