do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
