How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
