I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
