I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
