ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize