i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
