Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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