Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
