flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
