At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
