some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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