i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
