this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
