I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
