woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize