Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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