im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
