I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
