I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
