he puts the penis in happiness.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize